Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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