I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize