Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
