Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
