Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
