I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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