i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
