She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
