also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
