i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
This house was built for laser tag.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
