Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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