To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
