you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Enjoy the penises
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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