So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
