I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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