We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
