Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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