3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
