i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
