In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
