i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize