Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
