I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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