He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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