I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
