You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
