Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
