But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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