Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
