I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
