I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
