Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
