wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
