First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
