if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize