I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
