I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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