I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
