he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize