Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
