I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i dont even know how to be here
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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