Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
