Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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