do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
