I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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