I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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