I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
