i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
