i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
