mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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