Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
