there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
