I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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