Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
