The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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