it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
