I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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