eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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