need another drink. this is the easiest way
youre lurking in front of me
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
