I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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