Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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