u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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