Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
