So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
