look no pants
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
