yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
