$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
