Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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