do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
