I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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