Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
