first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
