She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
