how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
