"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
