Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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