So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
