he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize