last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
