The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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