This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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