I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
