I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
