I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
