There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
