Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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