Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
