i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
