Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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