Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
