I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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