Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
