I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Found the puke drawer
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
