My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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