i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
