my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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