I only kidnapped one of them. chill
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
