Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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