Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
