I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
