Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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