So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
