I swear god or herbie drove my car home
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
