at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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