If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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