I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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