Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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