just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
