i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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