he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
