I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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