considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize