Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
