omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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