he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
