It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Pants are for mortals
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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