If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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